I’m going to my high school’s 10 year reunion next month.
I’m not supposed to be that old. I remember when I was a kid my parents would always say something along the lines of “Ahhhh yes, this can opener is as old as you are.”
“20 years ago we bought this couch.”
“Cynthia and I have been friends for 30 years now!”
At the ripe age of 10, I was never phased by those statements. I couldn’t imagine owning a couch for that long. Knowing a friend that long. Being ALIVE that long. So why are you telling me this as if my little kid brain can even fathom such high a number?!
Fast-forward a couple decades and here I am. 28-years-old now, awaiting my high school’s 10 year reunion. That number hits HARD.
I always imagined myself walking through those hallowed halls 10 years later with a husband in tow, maybe a kid or two in my arms.
HA, that’s a big, fat lie.
1. I never imagined going to a high school reunion.
2. I never imagined being 10 years removed from high school.
Let's be real, I can imagine myself strutting through those double doors looking sassy, classy… but with kids?!
Couldn't be me.
...not yet at least.
I’ve always felt like I’m a good 5 years behind my current age.
At 22, I was seriously dating a guy. A guy I thought I would marry, but I knew at that time in my life I didn’t want to get married. I didn’t know if it was him, or if it was the fact that I wasn’t ready. Today I know it was timing more than anything. Timing really is everything.
At 28, (like last week), I was dating a 22-year-old. Crazy enough, despite the age gap, I thought he was the one. It takes a lot for me to fall for someone, and I was starting to, but despite that... this was the first time in my life I knew I wanted to be married. The first time in my life I could confidently say that I am ready for marriage. But the age gap and living on opposite sides of the country had other plans for the two of us.
With this 10-year-reunion coming out of the woodwork, it’s got me feeling all sorts of emotions. Specifically, it’s got me thinking about the past 10 years.
Guys, I’ve had the craziest last 10 years.
Since graduating high school, I’ve been in Los Angeles, CA.
One short stint in Oklahoma led me to LA for the past seven years now— working as a sports coordinator in the entertainment industry— marrying my love for sports and the big screen.
Sometimes my synapses are firing so hard and the trips are so many that I forget what I did last weekend, let alone yesterday. It’s hard for me to remember the amazing experiences that have transpired, because I’m already on the next one before I can even process what happened on the last one. S/o iPhone camera roll for being the memory bank my brain desperately needs.
As I navigate my emotions of the ever-so-daunting “10 year reunion” I want to take a walk down memory lane and share with you what has happened since my last blog. We all know not much happened in 2020. But 2021??? 2022?! I can think of a few things.
The Best Year(s) Ever:
Luke was on the Chicago Bulls. Playing the Lakers. We had In-In-Out post-game on the JW Marriott rooftop in downtown LA.
I was April Ross’ stunt double in a commercial for the Olympics. The Olympics she later won gold medal for in beach volleyball, thus sparking my one-week long burning desire to become an Olympic beach volleyball player myself. Emphasis on the one week.
I dated an MLB player. Great guy, but not THE guy.
I was a TK-aid for 4-year-olds at the cute, little Catholic school across the street from me in LA.
I played a basketball player in the new Cheaper by the Dozen movie and signed my first contract as an actual ACTRESS. No lines, but still, it said ACTRESS.
I worked the Big Shots premiere for Disney+ with a famous fitness friend on a rooftop at The Grove and dribbled around John Stamos all night.
Luke signed a one-year deal to the Boston Celtics.
My grandpa passed away.
My older brother proposed to his girlfriend.
Space Jam 2 came out. LeBron shut down Six Flags Magic Mountain and we partied the night away for what was one of the most incredible, unique experiences of my life.
I shot a feature for my mom’s news station about taking down “The King” in a couple shooting competitions back in Nashville.
I drove to NYC from Nashville for a friend to sign his first modeling contract with Wilhelmina.
I moved to Philadelphia for 8 months to work a movie called Hustle with Adam Sandler.
I played Jordan Clarkson in ping pong. The series is currently 2-1, but I really think I will come back and take him down if I ever see him in a room with a ping pong table again.
My goddaughter got baptized.
I texted Pete Davidson for a week and then he dumped me for Kim Kardashian.
I explored NYC several times with my coworkers every off-weekend we got while in Philly.
One of my best friends from OU got married in Abilene, Texas.
Luke signed to the Maine Celtics and we spent Thanksgiving in Maine.
Luke signed a 10-day for the Cleveland Cavaliers and we spent Christmas in Cleveland.
Luke signed a 10-day for the Milwaukee Bucks and I spent every game night in Philly in front of my tv screen.
I filmed a commercial with Vince Carter in LA.
Luke signed for the rest of the year with the Boston Celtics!!!
I finallyyyyyyy went back to LA. Just to leave to Atlanta a few months later for a football movie.
There, I met another guy. A guy who I ended up dating, and thought I would marry, until he broke up with me two weeks ago. Turns out all this traveling and the fact that he lives on the Atlantic and I live on the Pacific doesn’t bode well for long-term commitment.
Nevertheless, I had one heck of a summer with him.
My mom got her MBA.
I watched Justin Bieber in the pit thanks to Adam Sandler giving my coworker and me his tickets.
Luke went to the NBA Finals.
My mom and I went to SF for games 1 & 2.
My dad and John went to Boston for games 3 & 4.
I went to the Hustle premiere in LA that same week.
Talk about one of the best weeks of my life. One day you’re walking the red carpet (or falling…sorry, mom), and the next you’re on the family bus with the families of the Boston Celtics on our way to the Chase Center to watch your little brother play Steph & co.
I filmed White Men Can’t Jump 2 with Jack Harlow for a few days as a bball player.
I filmed a Gatorade commercial and was a player for the Chicago Sky for a day.
I spent the summer with my parents, Luke, his wife, and daughter in Nashville.
I went to Bend, Oregon to visit a couple of my best friends.
I went to Orlando, Florida to see my mom’s side of the family and wakeboard.
I went to Austin, Texas to celebrate my sister-in-law’s bachelorette.
John got married in Little Rock, Arkansas.
I went to NYC to film a Google Pixel commercial with Giannis, Joel Embiid, and Jayson Tatum.
And that brings us to yesterday.
The day I got my notification on FB for the 10 year reunion.
I may not have a husband or kids in tow, but I have a heck of a lot of experiences that I wouldn’t trade for the world.
I’ve been praying hard for community as of late, and boy has God provided. Fun events don’t mean as much if you don’t have people to share them with. God has sprinkled in some of the best friends, some new, some old, who have come into my life at the perfect time. Because, if I’m being honest, the “boyfriend” thing has hit me harder than I have ever thought it would.
I met this guy named Sean right after I graduated from UCLA. My first boyfriend. He’s the most amazing man I have ever met still to this day. I googled his name last night. He has started this YouTube series called “The Best Year of my Life” and it was about this global adventure he went on in 2021. He’s the one who actually inspired me to write this blog today. My 2021 didn’t go global, but it was prettyyyyyyy epic here in the states. Watching his videos made me so happy for him. He looked so happy. And if anyone deserves to find happiness in this world, it’s THAT guy.
Which brings me to baseball boy. Another fabulous human. But I knew he wasn’t the one and tried to end it as soon as I realized that.
A year passed until I met my last boyfriend. I really liked him. He liked me. But we lived on opposite sides of the country. He was a lot younger, and he didn’t want to keep trying so hard to make it work. It was a mature decision, one that I didn’t want to face, but at least I knew what it felt like. I knew what it felt like to be all-in, and that’s something I’ll forever be grateful for.
When I got the FB notification yesterday that was the first thing that popped into my head. I’m going to be SINGLE at my 10 year reunion??? If anyone knows the south, the rest of my classmates are married and on baby #2 already. I really think there is only one other single classmate out of the 100 humans in my graduating class. And that human is my former high school prom date, who I adore, and wish was coming, but is currently living in Amsterdam.
As I sit in this coffee shop on Charlotte Ave. in Nashville, TN, days before I make the cross-country trek back to LA in my little brother’s Toyota Camry (my car kicked the bucket earlier in the year, forgot to mention that in the highlights), I think about the title of this blog: Punch the Clock. I’m being literal here. PUNCH IT SQUARE IN THE FACE. There is no clock for when it’s all supposed to be figured out. Whether it’s a husband you’re searching for, or a job or promotion, who cares how old you are when it happens?? Because it will happen. It’s only a matter of time. Time that God knows you need. He knows I need it. I may think I’m ready, but God is the only one who really knows. He has been the architect for the story of my life thus far and there isn’t a single thing I would want to change about it.
Trust me, that’s a lot easier to write than feel at times, but I’m writing to reinforce it in my own head as well. Who cares if you show up single to your 10 year reunion? Who cares if your life doesn’t look like the classmates’ next to you?
We all have that thing. That one thing that keeps nagging at us. The fly that won’t stop landing on your leg. The ingrown toenail that brings excruciating pain with every footstep. Graphic, I know, but I’m driving home the big finale here. The point is you feel like you can’t run away from it. You feel like everything will be right with the world if you just get what you’re asking for. My annoying fly and ingrown toenail might be a husband at the moment, but I know if/when I get that, everything won’t be right with the world just because I got what I wanted.
So, now, today, at this very moment, what I can do is appreciate what I do have. As I just blabbed about in this blog for the last 30 minutes, God has given me a laundry list of cool experiences and people in my life. I want to get out of this funk, sure. I want to practice what I preach. I want to stop searching for THE guy in every room I walk into. I’ve never been this girl before, but only because I’ve never really wanted this before. My “5 years behind my current age” thing is finally catching up to me. I want marriage. I want HIM. And I know he will come, just like everything else I have put total faith & trust in God towards. He has given me the desires of my heart when I wasn’t searching for them. He has given me what I needed and wanted when I didn’t even have the words to articulate what it was I needed or wanted. I can articulate the man I want. I journal about his sandy blonde hair, blue eyes, and 6’5”+ness fairly often, but maybe that’s why I haven’t met him yet. Maybe that’s why I won’t. I need to close my eyes and blindly trust God wholeheartedly. I need to let go of control. I need to get off of Instagram. I need to stop thinking I'm running out of time.
I need to PUNCH THE CLOCK.